
As they pen and share personal stories, perspectives from memoir and family history writers can vary, particularly in their approach to sensitive family topics.
Do you ever wonder where your story ends and your family’s story begins? When you sit down to write about your life, do you find your personal memories deeply interwoven with family members’ stories?
Whether you’re drawn to memoir’s deep dive into personal experience or placing your own experiences in the context of your family’s history, exploring perspectives from memoir and family history will enrich your writing. We’re all in the creative nonfiction genre, and we should learn from each other.
A note about writing styles:
Writers bring unique strengths, creativity, and goals to their work. While some writers blend different approaches, understanding these common writing techniques can help you find what works best for you. Think of these as helpful guidelines rather than strict rules.
Definitions
Jessica Dukes from Celadon Books explains:
“A memoir is a nonfiction narrative in which the author shares their memories from a specific time period or reflects upon a string of themed occurrences throughout their life.” [1]
She also notes that some memoirs have a ‘confessional’ nature, dealing with “painful or difficult secrets.” [2]
How does a family history or family story differ?
A genealogist’s personal story may be part of a bigger story, weaving together many personalities across generations.
Memoirs, on the other hand, usually portray a segment of one person’s life. While both involve family members, they tell their stories in distinct ways.
Memoirists’ Approach: Focus on personal truth and lived experience.
Normally, memoirs are written in the first person because they are about that person’s direct experience.
In Why Truth is More Important than Facts in Your Memoir Writing, Amanda Edgar draws a couple of “critical distinctions” between provable facts and truth.
That may seem counter-intuitive. However, if you think of “truth” as “emotional truth,” she makes a lot of sense.
She writes:
Consider the process of proving something: it naturally leads to specificity… Thus, facts are typically precise and specific, making them easier to verify.
Contrastingly, truth encompasses the broader reality of events, things, and facts. Despite the interchangeability of ‘truth’ and ‘facts’ in conversation, a critical distinction exists. Facts are about provability…. In contrast, truth emphasizes the sense of reality, often subjective and abstract.
While facts demand objectivity, truth embraces subjectivity. What feels real to one person may not resonate with another, highlighting the subjective nature of truth.
A provable fact might have an original source document, like a birth certificate Little Joey was born on July 1, 1937, in Danville, Virginia, to Prudence Smith. (I’m just making names up here.)
Again, using what I call “emotional truth” helps here. Joey may think of an older sibling or grandparent as his parent regardless of what his birth certificate says. That doesn’t mean Prudence wasn’t his biological mom, but does stress that she didn’t mother him in the conventional sense.
Emotional truths rely on memory, not record sets. Joey’s story may center around his feelings of abandonment versus the narrative government records would imply.
Memoirist often explore raw emotions more other nonfiction genres.
Memoir coach Abi Wurdeman advises memoir writers to “nail the emotional journey.” [3]
“People who read memoirs do so because they crave that honesty. They want a more intimate understanding of another person’s experience. They won’t get it if you only show your reader your best side.”[4]
That doesn’t mean that memoirs play fast and loose with facts, but the emotional impact of the facts usually upstage the documentation.
Memoirists’ Perspective on Memory and Narrative Power
Any creative nonfiction can connect with and move readers.
Some writers take a tad of artistic license with memory to achieve that. Perhaps a memoirist wants the audience to be able to imagine a tender moment. That’s easier for readers when they know details about clothing, furnishings, etc.
Thus, a memoirist might write, “Mom wore her favorite light blue silk gown…” even when they’re no longer sure what their mom wore that night. Similarly, if mom was wearing something unflattering, the memoirist might omit or exaggerate that fact.
Family Historians’ Approach to Facts
Genealogists base stories on solid evidence and verify events through multiple sources.
This careful research helps avoid spreading family rumors or unproven tales. If family traditions can’t be confirmed, writers handle them with sensitivity.
In the above scenario, they might work in that mom had a favorite gown they may have worn on the night in question.
Storytelling Perspectives from Memoir and Family History
Memoirs focus on the emotional journey through important life moments. Family historians, however, want to preserve accurate accounts for future generations. This often leads them to emphasize documented facts as they connect with their ancestors.
That doesn’t preclude them from exploring emotional moments—in fact, family stories, like any creative nonfiction, can be accurate, well sourced, and emotionally impactful.
It’s a common misconception that great storytelling has to wander away from verifiable facts.
Where Perspectives from Memoir and Family History Intersect in Writing Family Stories
Both memoir and a family historian’s personal stories draw from memories. Genealogists may lean into their research skills in explaining the setting and context.
But so do memoirists.
Solid research is a backbone of nonfiction, and memoir (or other creative nonfiction) is no exception to that.
Ethical Concerns
Both deal with the impact of their writing—and revelations—on living people. They often face family pressure about their approach to sensitive topics. Likewise, they navigate around the privacy concerns of friends and relatives.
Depending on the explosiveness and the potential fall-out, fact-checking might be critical to avoid law-suits and family rifts.
Understanding and Explaining Human Experiences
Personal stories often are both extremely personal and yet universal.
As they explore the episodes and personalities of the past, writers from both genres grapple with their own emotions and understandings of events.
The process of writing entails researching, drafting, and editing. But the stories which emerge help readers gain clarity and process their own hurts, joys, and traumas.
Why do the Differing Perspectives from Memoir and Family History Matter to Personal Storytellers?
Just as we can learn from each other’s stories, we can learn from each other’s crafts. In our quest to leave a mark in time, we can learn from other’s skill sets as we draft and edit.
- Use memoirist techniques for increasing the emotional depth of stories. Explain the emotional context and help readers experience what you felt.
- Apply historians’ rigor to verifying sources. A single document may be misleading or even erroneous. Aunt Jane’s memory might be mistaken.
- Acknowledge both objective and subjective truths. Perhaps you felt hurt as a child, but as an adult can understand the realities faced by an absent parent.
- Strive to provide readers with an understanding of past events, including historical perspectives as well as emotional impact.
Crafting Your Personal Story: Taking the Next Step
Every family story deserves to be told well. Whether you’re drawn to the emotional depth of memoir or the historical rigor of family history—or want to blend both approaches—your unique perspective matters.
Start Where You Are
- If you’re just beginning, choose one small story to tell. It might be a cherished memory, an important family event, or how you feel about an ancestor.
- If you’re already writing, try borrowing one technique from the other tradition. Family historians might explore emotional impacts more deeply; memoirists might dig into historical records.
Your Turn: Share Your Journey:
What story are you working on right now? What challenges are you facing as you write? Has this discussion about different approaches sparked any new ideas for your project?
Let’s learn from each other in the comments below. Your experience might be exactly what another writer needs to read.
What perspectives have you gained from of other writers? What would you recommend to beginners? What are some advanced techniques you’ve learned?
[1] Jessica Dukes (Celadon Books), “What Is a Memoir?” September 6, 2019. https://celadonbooks.com/what-is-a-memoir/.
[2] Ibid.
[3] Wurdeman, Abi. “A Guide to Memoir and the Scary Art of Personal Storytelling.” Accessed December 28, 2024. https://www.dabblewriter.com/articles/a-guide-to-memoir.
[4] Ibid.