Of course, a legacy includes your stories and memories, but to most people, passing on your legacy entails writing your will.
Take a moment to think about why you do all the family research, record oral histories, and tell stories.. My guess is that it’s love that drives you to connect through with loved ones. To somehow touch the lives of future family members. To comfort your offspring.
Those are the same reasons writing your will should be a priority. Estate planning can provide your loved ones peace of mind.
I’m not exactly an authority on will-writing. For legal edification, check out 4 Reasons Estate Planning is So Important.
However, to bring things home, I’ll tell you a story
How My Parents’ Estate Planning Made Things Easier for My Sister and Me
My parents did almost everything right. Not only did they use a respected attorney (the trusted son of old friends) to plan out their affairs, they did it well in advance of ill-health. A+
My parents with my son
They ran a draft of their will by my sister and me. Since my sister is a lawyer, that was the logical move. By including me, they made sure no one had any reservations. A+
So, when the coroner’s office knocked on my sister’s door at 1 AM one night to deliver their news, my sister had one small comfort. There was a mechanism in place to deal with our parents’ simultaneous deaths. That’s was no small thing. As an attorney she knew the red tape an estate without a will generates in probate court.
The only red mark on my parents’ estate planning report card came when we started looking for their wills. We tried their file cabinets and every stack of papers or binders in the house. No luck.
Their safe deposit box yielded a will. (South Carolina law allows banks to open boxes to search for a will.) It had been signed months before my birth. However, it made no mention of a second child. It wasn’t the will. F-
Luckily, their lawyer was able to provide a copy.
The Aftermath of a Sudden Death
I’m not going to pretend that estate planning and will writing will make the aftermath of a sudden death easy for your offspring. Dealing with a loved one’s estate (that’s what they call it, even if the value is $0) is fraught with emotion and frustration.
Not to put too fine (or melodramatic) point on it, but the minutiae of death can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.
In the first few days after their deaths, I was dealing with tissue donation, how to get bodies from Alaska to South Carolina, informing family and friends, a church with broken air conditioning, and banks and credit card companies. For instance, the credit card company which offered rental car insurance insisted that they’d refuse to honor that insurance without a death certificate in hand within thirty days, even if the state didn’t issue it within that time. I was ready to pull my hair out. And scream. And to be fair here, I have to say the tax authorities were a lot better than banks and credit cards companies. (See Writing Prompt: Things I Never Wanted to Know for more details.)
My point is that will writing and estate planning can ease the emotional fallout of your deaths for your loved ones. Of course, there are also solid financial and legal incentives to visit an estate lawyer. The money you spend up front in legal fees are more than offset in the end.
Note to Family Historians
As Marian Wood of Climbing my Family Tree points out, it’s important to make sure your family knows who will safeguard your genealogy files and research. You certainly don’t want your work to end up in a dumpster! She suggests, “If nobody is interested, the will can suggest repositories (historical societies, etc) that might be interested.”
Your Turn
Leaving a legacy can be hard. It may require taking an honest look at family dynamics. Passing down hard-to-tell stories. Revealing your more vulnerable side. Looking back at the family history and not loving everything you find.
Channel the love that drives you to do those things and make sure you write a will. Let family members know where it is. And please, don’t leave those estate planning binders from the attorney on the couch in the basement. And it you do leave them there, don’t cover them with artificial Christmas tree branches.
My parents also were very good at taking care of their assets so that when they passed it was fairly simple. Good article!
I’m glad they did, but my condolences on your losses.
A very valuable and poignant post. May I just add that in addition to a legal will, it’s important to leave a “genealogical will” so heirs know who is to get all the family history files, photos, etc. If nobody is interested, the will can suggest repositories (historical societies, etc) that might be interested. With all the legalities to handle, it’s easy to forget that family history could inadvertently be mislaid or throw away by heirs who don’t know the meaning or don’t know what to do with the collection!
I have dealt with estates after the death of my parents and estate planning would have made things so much better. Additionally, having funeral arrangements done in advance would be even better than that! Finally, if they had begun to downsize with an eye toward family history, I would still have had to deal with the in ability to access certain accounts and such, but the big stress would have been mitigated.
Good points Devon. My in-laws downsized and it really does give the family a better idea of what is precious and what is just a pretty thing they picked up somewhere. I don’t think I’ll do any funeral planning. I’d rather the kids do what is meaningful to them. I’ll be gone, LOL.
A moving and significant post, and belated condolences on your loss. With so many of us traveling these days, having everything in place is particularly important. I second Marian Wood’s comment about including a “genealogical will” so research and findings are properly donated when the time comes.
Thanks Molly. You’re right. Traveling so much makes organization even more important.
It is hard and emotional enough when a loved one dies without having to make decisions about everything.
My parents had downsized and made plans so it was fairly easy. My brother knew he was dying so made all arrangements and introduced me to his banker, notary and mortician. I have already downsized and just need to plan… I’d better get on that, as you never know!
On the topic of genealogical wills I have just downloaded Family Tree Maker 2019 which Inca one year subscription to TreeVault. Part of TreeVault’s functionality is to nominate a next of kin successor for your tree and account on Family Tree Maker. Perhaps the nomination process will encourage the conversation and make it easier to pass on your genealogy research.
Oh, I didn’t know that. That’s a great idea.